Gender Identity Practitioner Toolkit
4. Pronouns and names
There are more pronouns than most people would expect…
Using ‘they’ as a pronoun has been around a long time, and as early as 1386 in Geoffrey Chaucer’s The Canterbury Tales. Also in famous literary works like Shakespeare’s Hamlet in 1599. “They” and “them” were being used by literary authors to describe people in the 17th Century too – including by Jane Austein in her 1813 novel Pride and Prejudice.
A brief history of gender neutral pronouns – BBC News
Young people have told us that they see pronouns are a positive, not an inconvenience; they are personal to the individual. They are often just as important as names to a lot of young people.
We use people’s pronouns and names frequently and in regular, everyday communication, both verbally and in writing. We do it almost without thinking. Because names and pronouns are the two ways people call and refer to others, they are personal and important. They are also key parts of our identity.
Therefore, calling someone by the wrong name or using a different pronoun that they choose (also known as “misgendering”) can feel disrespectful, hurtful and make them feel unsafe. It is important to make sure you know the specific pronouns people use.
Using someone’s previous name is sometimes referred to as ‘deadnaming’ (a name that is “dead”) this is when someone, intentionally or not, calls a transgender person by the name they used before their transition, also known as their birth name or their “given name.”
This can be very upsetting and embarrassing for the person, especially if it is in front of people who are not aware of the person’s journey. In some cases, could then lead to bullying, verbal abuse or even assault.
This is true whether the person is present at the time or not, talking about or sharing someone’s personal private information with others is not respectful of their privacy.
Practitioner tip:
You can ask questions about pronouns such as: “What are your gender pronouns?” or “Which pronouns do you use?” You can also ask what name they use. This sends a message to them that you want to know their accurate name and pronouns, and it gives you the information you need to make them feel comfortable.
You could also ask where and when they would like their pronouns used, they may not want to do this is all settings yet, or ever.
Inadvertently using the wrong pronoun or name can happen, but your next response matters most. Here are some things young people have told us that you can say to put it right:
Inadvertently using the wrong pronoun or name can happen, but your next response matters most. Here are some things young people have told us that you can say to put it right:
Acknowledge promptly but briefly: An immediate I’m sorry, followed by correctly addressing someone.
Avoid excessive apologies: Over-apologizing can make someone uncomfortable, as they might feel obligated to comfort you instead of having the space to focus on their feelings. This also helps prevent unnecessary spotlight on the error.
Correct others if needed: This step shows respect for people’s identities and encourages those around you to strive for more mindful interactions.
Respect and confidentiality:
Don’t share people’s personal information with others without consent when they are not present: Don’t say ‘I knew (current name) when they were (previous name or gender), or ‘did you know they used to be called….’. This shows respect for the young person’s privacy and right to confidentiality. Ask the young person if it’s ok for you to tell specific people, and keep checking in as this my change over time.
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